and not anymore.

2009-10-17T02:43:00.001+08:00

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2009-06-18T13:22:00.005+08:00

This blog has officially survived for 6 years. And that's the end. :D
You may now go that way please ^ :)

2009-06-01T00:39:00.002+08:00

The city goes to bed

And I can live inside my head.

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.

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And then you realize looking from afar doesn't help either.

K i hope you're okay and not stressed out i love you k. :D

2009-03-16T01:30:00.002+08:00

I want to just hide behind and look. I think I should. Hee hee makes me smile. :D

I hope I stop running around in circles cos it's getting to tiring. Time to step out and take a look at this beautiful world. But just hide behind and look will do. Hahahaha.

:D

2009-02-21T23:56:00.003+08:00

It really didn't feel like the first time I went wee-ing. Like how Diana and Clara used to put it, in sec4. But yes. I reached home at 7.30am & went to tutor Cyril Ting at 1pm. I'm Nineteen and I'm loving it doing crazy things. Sang non-stop last night with xy & xj which made me feel like I'm actually still alive.

Yes of course I am! The world is seeing me move as it turns. Every second my heart grows stronger as it buries the bad stuff deep beneath, only occasionally racking it up I don't know whatever for. But it isn't as overwhelming anymore and I am so thankful just for that.

So busy this week, going on JobsStreet & JobsCentral searching, searching, searching for nothing. Nobody wants me to work for them!! Maybe I'm not borned to work after all. Maybe I'm meant to sit at home and bump around. And find someone I love who loves me back and takes care of me so I won't be so mentally unstable. But I am like this either way so forget it.

And of course I know the only person who can love me back is myself and I ought to make myself stronger. I think I'm doing fine does anyone think so too! :D

Just that sometimes I find it hard to deal with the internal struggle within myself.

I just love how I know what direction I'm heading towards. Now please, just give me what I need. Just sufficient & I'll be happy. Fridays are bad days. At least for the next few weeks.

I see the world in a different colour now!

2009-02-18T23:49:00.002+08:00

Life is starting to fill itself up. I spend less time talking to myself everyday. Things are settling in. Well Cedar Fiesta was a success. Many many ex-cedarians came back and loads of memories came tumbling back. :D The only bad thing was that it was the dirty old holding site ):

After Fiesta, I could finally rest. Went for interviews, went back to vj, went out with friends, tried to spend as much time as I could. I can't wait for time to fly by. Nineteen is such a weird age to be at. People start leaving your life, and they start minding their own business. Essentially you take over your own life, and you don't share it with anyone else. Gotta get use to this really sucky phase of life which is supposed to be the most happening time of your life but no, it's the most empty time of my life since a decade ago. I. Need. Friends.

Friends friends they come and go. I don't know how exactly to go about treauring my friendships with them. I don't know too, how important they are to me. I don't dare to judge; I don't dare to expect. I just goo with the flow. Which I'm not used to doing. But I guess that's how it is when you grow older, and older. It really does not matter anymore. In the end you'll only be left with you and yourself. So why grow so attached to it in the first place? Why let your heart be vulnerable to wounds. I don't know. Is it right, or wrong?

Few years down the road. Does it matter anymore? Who hates who, who loves who, who wants whose company, who doesnt give a damn. But yet it matters so much now. I try so hard to untangle the mess, and figure out what went wrong. Why has this become one of the only things I took with me from vj, which I regret? Why did things turn out this way. What am I supposed to do? With what attitude am I supposed to face this with? And you can't imagine how many things happened which played a part in messing things up. Yep, this is our very own show. So now, where exactly is everyone?

At the end of the day I figure that maybe the only person left standing by me, is myself.

On the other hand, I felt how the three of us started to pull ourselves so close together to make sure that this would not turn out to be something we'd regret. Ahjian's birthday today was a good one. A simple, but beautiful one.

Am dangling on a string, but at least I'm balancing well for now.
Would you appear halfway if I fall.

2009-02-08T05:38:00.004+08:00

Didn't think I'd be able to survive the night but yeah I'm still cool going on strong doing the pamphlet for our lovely fun fair my goodness. With like four crazy people beside me playing mahjong. My tummy's feeling so weird and I don't know how I'm going to fall asleep and I think I'm damn tired but I can't feel it. It's 5.39am and it's an hour to daybreak omg, haven't stayed up like this in a long time.

Night Safari was like a zoo. And it was smelly cos of the poopoo. But the bats were damn cool. Omg why is everything rhyming. Hahahah but had a great time laughing and of course, taking photos.

I thought I could control my fingers but no, I still cannot. Omg save me. What's wrong with me. I can't stand feeling like that. I really cannot. I saw very beautiful places which I know you'd love to go and just be there and take a nice stroll. I saw beautiful restaurants and cafes I know you'll just love. But I just can't bring you there anymore.

Sophia is banging her head against the floor and rolling and laughing. And I must stare at her for as long as I can now, before we all cannot anymore.

I am going to do it sooner or later!

2009-02-03T23:58:00.003+08:00

Somehow the school gives me this really unfamiliar feeling. Because all the feelings in my life in VJ are practically lost. I can't feel them anymore. But as I stopped running around desperately scrambling to look for teachers & started to settle down outside the choir room with Wanping, it started to get incredibly nostalgic. "It's only this part of the school I feel attached to", and that startled me for a moment. This part of the school definitely gave me memories which I never want to re-visit in a long time to come. But these memories are, honestly the best you can ever ask for. At the same time, this part of the school was the place where my life in VJ started, dating right back to December 2006. We caught up & almost immediately, we filled each other with thoughts we dug out deep in our minds.
I moved on, & I walked through the sea of yellow shirts, looking at all the unfamiliar faces staring back at me. Another half of my mind was busy recalling the exact same time which took place exactly a year ago, though. It was full of familiar faces, and I knew I was at a place where I really belonged. Acquaintances whom I felt so comfortable saying hi to, people I see whom I would wave frantically at and friends I felt I could really trust. I would be busy running back and forth from the parade square to the choir room, seeing many of our lovely year 1s enjoying the choir's favourite past time - ponning orientation. Back then, the atmosphere was fantastic. Cheers everywhere, people everywhere, & the vj spirit everywhere.
I continued moving on. Jialing & I went up to the treehouse, which I haven't been to for a year already. I vaguely remember the last time was with Liying, during a morning break. That was an emo day. But well today was one too. "Your face is the only familiar one which makes me feel like I really belonged here". It was lovely talking to her, talking about the present, recalling the past.
I carried on and met Liying towards the end of the orientation for the day. Watching the bball trials was new. Seeing my juniors try out & seeing cedarians in vj culture was good. I felt like I wasn't alone. Watching year1s whom I know from caroling last year was good too. Seeing them enjoying themselves & having fun, reminding myself of how excited I was when I was a little year1 back then. When orientation ended for the day we would rush and meet each other at the front of the hall, and be so excited about going out for dinner. And yes, I saw the exact same thing happening today.
O1 2007 was good. I remember seeing Haiwei a few days back. And the whole orientation thing came gushing back. We spoke & we knew what we were thinking about. We were just in the same OG as freshmen yesterday, and today we've completed our A levels walking down different paths, all ready for the next phase of our lives.
My walk down memory lane ended at Parkway with Liying. It felt as though we just ended school & finished dinner, and we were all ready to go home and prepare ourselves for school the next day. But nope, here I am on 4th Feb 2009, getting ready to sleep soon & continue seeing Blues and Greys tomorrow.
Then the excitement dies down. That was it, trying to become a Victorian for one last day, immersing myself in the "intense" school cheers & trying to replay a scene which took place a year ago, at the exact same place. Looking around in the choir room, replaying as many scenes I could in just a few seconds. Sitting outside the choir room, playing songs on the guitar and seeing xianyong, cc, and random people running about rushing for lessons. Looking at the PT, recalling every scene which took place on the night of Music Fest. A few tears trickled down, which told me it's time to move on. There were 2 years for you to feel VJ, just like everyone else. And your time's over; time for new people to fill the spaces. Time for them to leave their marks, create those memories, and time for you to keep yours safe and sound.
Just occasionally, once in a while, take it out, know that your 2 years was worth every single moment, and smile.
It's truely one of the most memorable places, ever.

"Look into my eye, and I'll tell you. How much I hate chew." Hahaha, this lovely girl who has hawker centre lunch with me every single day. Stop saying words out aloud from my heart. :D

11 days more, and you'll be one step closer to your dream; 11 days more, and we'll be a mile further away from you.

2009-02-02T22:07:00.001+08:00

Facebook is a depressant. It makes you feel like you rather not have friends in this world. My goodness.
Everyday you ask yourself what you're doing. Every empty moment you look around you and let the void fill your soul. You ask yourself what on earth are you trying to do. You search within yourself for the fighter in you. Somehow, you never seem to find what you're looking for. Because in the first place, you heart isn't doing the searching. It's the brain. You're acting according to what you need to do, and not what you want to do. And that is simply not working. You find it so difficult to coordinate your body, mind & your heart. Everything is going in different directions. You just find zero motivation to move ahead. Therefore you slump in your comfort zone. You try so hard to drag yourself out of this pit. But you're not listening to yourself. You find that you're better off staying put. Even though it means the most amount of pain you have ever felt before. But I know that I'm moving everyday. I'm picking myself up slowly bit by bit. I'm learning all the fuck I'm supposed to learn. & I'm growing stronger with the growing amount of pain I'm feeling.

Excrutiating. Feels like you're the platform you're standing on has already broken. No effort is being put in to fix it.
You're barely surviving. And breathing. Not even living.
Hello. Everyone around you is putting in even more effort than you are.
And you're not even lifting a finger. You heart wins all.

You walk pass the familiar shades of blue and grey.
2003 to 2006. It's over.

2007 to 2008.

I think I'm just not for this world.
I don't fit in anywhere. Not anywhere at all.

Maybe ocean avenue.

2009-01-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

wtf.

2009-01-24T21:10:00.001+08:00

Ocean Avenue!

2009-01-24T14:28:00.003+08:00

After some time, you would have went through many different kinds of emotions which made you see things from a different perspective. But somehow or rather, after turning on your engine and running at turbo speed, you find yourself back at where you started from. Everything just goes back to square one and you gotta try to turn on your engine again.

But well that kinda confusion was just scary. Especially when you see something you've never come across before. You just wanna lie in your bed at night and cry, & not sleep. And just try to figure things out. And you don't know who to turn to.

And then you can't escape the part when you have to wake up to face this world of despair and try to convince yourself that you need to continue living for a reason. Some reason. Which you still haven't figured out.

It's like some cycle. A whole cycle of emotions. And you just gotta get outta it somehow.

Yeah, fate is really a freak. You just gotta try so hard to face it. There's only one thing which will make you feel better. That everything is transient. And that's really what life is about.

2009-01-19T22:07:00.002+08:00

Recently things happening around me had been giving me some sort of hope in my life. But hope doesn't necessarily equate to happiness. Because this hope is just part of the package which I know I have to acknowledge that it's there. It feels very heavy, and very unreal. And my filter isn't working properly yet. And I can't grasp my emotions properly yet. In other words, I'm still mentally unsound. I need some directions in life. Although there're little signposts along the way. But I cannot see them clearly. Not at all.

And you wonder why life tricks you like that.

I'm going to relieve some good old memories tomorrow. And for that I Am Happy.
Wednesday's gonna be dangerous.
& Friday's gonna be unsafe.

My emotions are still all over me.
Fuck, face it.

2009-01-15T20:25:00.004+08:00

This is a simple little love song
Singing the complications of people's hearts
I think I'm happy when I have your warmth the air by my feet turned
This is a simple little love song
Singing of the white doves in our hearts
I think I'm suited to singing odes
Youth flutters in the wind
You know even if floods inundate this city
I'll give you my embrace
I can't stand it seeing the form of your back
Recording the unending misery of living
Even if the entire world gets kidnapped by loneliness
I won't run away
I can't escape in the end, everyone grows old.
I record how time and music harmonizes into a one in the end
Everyone ages.

You know, like how you live in a memory,
and be the happiest person.
I've never seen myself smile more happily.

2009-01-09T00:41:00.002+08:00

That feeling is so familiar. So nostalgic. Yet so indistinct. It is torturous. Yet it feels so comfortable to live in the past. Every breath I take should be one more step to recovery. And it is one less to the end. So shouldn't I not be wasting time living in a memory? Of course. But it is difficult. Even more than A levels. Believe in miracles & then know that you had just dreamt that you did. I am still stuck in the pit. And I have absolutely no idea when I am going to crawl out of this shit on my own. I feel detached. Detached from the world. Attached only to very familiar feelings I never want to let go of. Even when they are already not supposed to be there a very long time ago. I don't know what is that magnetic force pulling me towards reading this story. I just keep reading it over and over again. But somehow I don't understand. It isn't getting me anywhere. I just refuse to turn the page. & I know I shouldn't be stopping here.

2009-01-05T12:03:00.002+08:00

This world is moving too fast for me. Maybe it's got to do with me & being slow but I have to admit that I cannot catch up. & I'm not moving as fast as you. So please have mercy on me.

Have you tried to struggle like never before, like being abandoned & trying to pick yourself up from where you fell. Alone. The excrutiating pain you have to feel no matter how hard you try to get yourself out of this pit. With no motivation in life, with the exception of waiting endlessly for the slip of paper which will determine the next phase of your life. Anyway this was what the past two years had been about. Everything we did in the past two years was all for this slip of paper. & it's the only thing you can cling on; the only thing which will stay with you for the rest of your life. The rest are secondary. The rest are all things you have to let go in the end.

So let me try it out today.

2009-01-03T18:00:00.003+08:00

Life hasn't been kind so far. This road has been full of thorns. And I almost gave up halfway.
But luckily I'm still here. I'm thankful to those people who have pulled me back from falling into the pit. I'm thankful for those people I've been messaging who have been trying to wake me up, those people whom I have been seeing who've been giving me advice, and those people who try to tell me they love me more than any other person on facebook. HAHAHAHAHAH.

But for that, I really count myself lucky. My life is going to be renewed in a matter of just a few days. Just a few days more, and I'll be a different person. I will be strong, and I won't let you guys down.

Thank you my friends. :D
AND I MISS SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ):

2009-01-01T00:22:00.005+08:00

2008 was a really craaazy year.

I started off the year knowing that there was so much in store for myself. All the activites, like Orientation, Music Fest, SOV, Wales, and of course, THE A levels.

That feeling at the start of the year was amazing. It was all exciting. And it was the first time I felt like that. It was really different from Year1. Haha, I don't think I'd be able to experience such excitement in my life anymore. Cos I guess that's what you can find at VJ only. (:

Well. There was o1. Osiris. Thankyou, my dearest OGLs, for the best times ever. These people are the most amazing group of people who clicked with each other so well in a matter of weeks. We were ALL high on oxygen (: Thankyou for being part of my 2008.

There was Music Fest. I had a great time with October's Loss. That was when we discovered classroom broomstick singers could actually make a dream come true - to get 1st for Vocal Group cat (: LOL. I love you guys so much. I swear we're amazing. How we manage to come up with really good arrangement for songs, how we just make things fall into place really easily, and well, how you guys are really really understanding and forgiving. I'm sorry for giving you all so much trouble, but really, I don't regret my decision at all. Thanks for everything.

And then there was Paper Pavement. Which evolved from 6 sig fig. Well well. This band means alot to me. And the people in it, too. We went through alot. Jamming like crazy, coming up with the craziest ideas, having so much fun, and having to make really hard decisions, and even tearing here and there. All for one, one for all. (: But thank you for these memories and this wonderful experience. It was you guys who taught me what band spirit's all about. And what being there for each other is all about. I'm glad to have jammed with you guys, and to have known you guys. Thank you. (:

My classmates. Haha it was a craaaazy 2nd year with you guys. I'm glad I got to know you guys so much better. All the outings, lunch at Aston, breaks at the canteen, studying together, celebrating birthdays together, and having so much fun in class together standing up together during Mr Foo's classes. Hahahahah. I miss all those, really. Thank you for being such wonderful classmates.

My choir mates. It's been two years, and we've really gone through so much. Thank you my altos, who stayed through everything with me & fought this battle together with me. Thanks for being such great section-mates. And the rest of the people. SOV was a blast. Wales was really good. Practices were really bad BUT I MISS THEM BADLY. hahahah. Seriously, although practices were hard and very tiring, thanks, for going through everything with me & working so hard to make things happen. I'm sure we've all learnt ALOT from the Wales trip. Like what Mr Kwei said. (: I hope we all learnt & grew. & continue to love singing. (:

And. There was you.
Knowing that there would be someone, no matter how difficult, no matter how bad things are, walking down this road with me, was great. And yep, for the entire year, this person made all my dreams come true. And gave me more that I could have ever, ever asked for.

Of course. Good things don't last forever.
No matter how high a squirrel jumps, it ould eventually reach the ground again.
Hahahahahaha. Okay yes i mean it.
Life is just like that.

I think I learnt a lot, and I grew a lot this year.
I learnt how to have faith in things. & I learnt how to believe in things.
Well I can't say I know entirely how to go about doing it cos it really isn't easy.
But at least I tried. And I've seen what it could bring me.
And well, especially towards the end of the year, I experienced more emotions than I ever did. Everything churned together, in a mess. I had a hard time sorting out my thoughts, and I'm still having a really bad time.

But since it's the new year, and I've grown a year older again, I've decided it's time to stop being a little girl. It's gonna be really tough, and even if I'm going to do this alone, I have to do it. There is simply no other way. Oh boy I am saying it and meaning it another way. THIS IS KILLING ME but yeah I still have to do it. I never thought this day would come.

Haha I guess people do grow up. & as we experience different things, we change. I guess I have changed too. And although I have learnt to believe, I guess after this whole experience is over, I will not, believe that easily anymore. No more putting my heart and soul into it, cos I don't wanna see those emotions coming my way anymore.

I thought things were going to be different. But looks like I'm back at square one.
I am really in a state of confusion. And that's 2009 for me.
So tell me, where do miracles come from?

This world is really bleak. But you make the most out of it, and that's where the joy comes from. :)

New year resolutions.
to be the person I really am, & bring joy to people's lives.
& of course to spend more time with my family.

Anyhow, hope it'd be a happy 2009 for you guys.
Now I've got some adjusting to do. & I can only wish for things I can only dream of.
Somehow as the years go by, you realise wishes really don't come true.
Cos you'd finally wake up one day.

I just knew it was a dream.
Goodnight world.

2008-11-22T21:34:00.000+08:00

Sorry.

2008-11-18T15:11:00.002+08:00

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
Ah la peaceful melody
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

And I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm yours
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm yours

This is your version & I didn't use to dare to listen to it
cos it reminds me that I need to study but
OMG I NO NEED TO STUDY ANYMORE.
from thursday onwards. :D

And now it makes me smileeeeeeeee everyday. :)

2008-11-17T19:15:00.003+08:00

Seriously, I don't know whats wrong with this world.
You can't screw me like that after A levels.
Just when the tortue is going to end, you still won't budge.
Seriously I think things won't get better after A's instead they get worse. And worse and worse. Now let me change my mind I seriously think I'd rather not be done with A levels.

Why did I even put myself through everything. Why did I even think I'd actually begin to live a life. It isn't that good a thing as it was supposed to be.

Rewind rewind rewind please.
Some more.

Urghhghghgh.

I really wanna run run run away.

Very childish. I don't care.

2008-11-02T21:17:00.004+08:00

Hello my dearest friends who are going to take the A Levels Examinations together with me tomorrow. I hope you all sleep by ten tonight can stop mugging now and start relaxing like I am doing so :D HAHAHA. I cannot absorb anymore information from Kaleidoscope, although I think I need to read it very badly. But whatever, seriously. There's really nothing much I can do anyway. All I can do is hope for the best.

I was talking to Janine Teo just now and I realised the last time I saw her was a freakin two years ago when we were doing our O Levels. And we were talking as if it was just yesterday that we were having fun mugging at Long John's at Toa Payoh. Seriously, two years seem like nothing to me at all.

And I talked to Leeza, Gwen, Jazzy, etc. Makes me feel like doing O Levels with them in the same hall all over again. Or rather, how i wished we were doing A Levels together. Like with Kiat still sitting beside me, and Sophia collecting the unused foolscap paper for me.

Seriously, I thought I just came into VJ.

Okay let's do this as a batch. We're gonna make it because we know we've slogged out guts out and we've done what we could and those who are already experiencing LDMR don't worry we'll all be fine hahaha.

And thank you, my dearest cc/guin/jingjie/SBF!!!! Thankyou for visiting me everyday without fail, and mugging, laughing, and crying with me. Love you ttm.

Power, McMuggers, 07S30, Osiris OGLs, Draco house people, etc, etc.

Omg we're all in this together. And after these three weeks, it'll all be over.

EVERYTHING.

Hahah i cannot take it.

See you guys at the end. Love <3

2008-09-23T00:15:00.002+08:00

And to think that after so many years I'd still screw myself up again.
I haven't felt this in ages.
I should be more sensible.

Sorry.

2008-08-24T21:39:00.002+08:00

Wow, I haven't been here in ages. And it feels really weird to type in this little box which I haven't seen in a million years. I feel quite sad actually, that I didn't really keep my memories of 2008 in my blog. I think it'll all fade away soon. I hope it doesn't. ):

Life has been cruel. Mentally and emotionally. I have been studying very consistently, everyday, every hour, every minute, every second. I spend the rest of the time thinking of wonderful things which kept me motivated and going every single day this year. The feeling seems so distant. I have to keep myself going by reading old messages and conversations which totally made me so much happier. Because I won't get to feel the same anymore until the end of this year. I wonder how I'll survive the next two and a half months, leading to the A's. I hope I don't and won't give up. I hope nothing gets into the way and drive me wild. I hope I'll hang on.

Sometimes I wonder why. Why why why are things like this and not like that, like before, and as the days pass, my heart aches. But I try to make things fall back in place, all by myself. I don't know how else to go about doing it.

But I know there are reasons for this, and I just have to believe in these reasons. Tell me you'll be there, and tell me it'll work out. Take me through the hard times, and please don't let go. I know, I know. Actually deep down inside, I know what's going on. It just takes more strength that I've ever known of to pull myself through this ordeal.

Of course I still believe. I don't think I'd have made it that far if I didn't. And it definitely made me grow stronger. The entire year had been crazy; I wouldn't have asked for anything more. Maybe it's just what we are, and what we have to go through.

Prelims are starting tomorrow. It's GP, and I have absolutely no idea how to go about sitting through it.

Then it'll be another gruelling two weeks. Or rather, four.
Then the end will draw nearer, and nearer.
I simply can't wait.

Please be there when we reach the finish line. Please.

2008-07-19T21:11:00.010+08:00

Saturdays feel so weird without Choir. This is something I've never ever felt before. To think that it was so dreadful at the start of this year, I had no idea why. There, I've been there, done that. That's it, my VJ Choir journey ends here. From Carolling as a Year 0 in Dec 2006, to Wales as a Year 2 in July 2008. This one and a half years had made me what I am today, and has given me everything that I never thought I would ever have in my entire life. This journey had been a tough one, but definitely a very satisfying one. It was very bitter, yet very sweet. After all that we've been through, being part of it all, I'm proud to say that I'm very, very proud of VJ Choir, and all of you people in VJ Choir. :D

Not winning the competition in Wales this time was definitely a huge blow to us. But I'm sure you guys will pick yourselves up after all that Mr Kwei has said. We can't be at the top every time, right. It just had to be us who were at the valley this time, and it's really up to the Year 1s to bring us up again. You know what we're made of guys. We are no ordinary choir, and I believe in you all.

A few disappointments here and there though. I don't know how many times I've emphasized this but if you guys can't get it, then I don't know what you all are doing here. I've heard alot, and seen alot too. Very, very disappointing.

But other than the spoilers, I am so proud of VJ Choir :D

It was a good ten days in Manchester, Wales, Liverpool, Stratford, Oxford and London.
Lovely, simply lovely.
Leeds, passing by Old Trafford, Beautiful Llangollen, lovely and cosy Premier Inn in Chester, Liverpool, Shakespeare's birth place and grave in Stratford, Oxford university, Chirst Church where Harry Potter was filmed, and London. The spectacular Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, St James Park, Horse Guards Palace, Oxford Street, Tower Bridge, London Bridge, Piccadilly Circus, Leicester Square, Covent Garden, Musicals and Plays everyday - Les Miserables and The Woman in Black, shopping although in Pounds, and the busy, busy streets of London. Although slightly dirty and polluted but still wonderful.

Lovely. :)

Sorry no pictures, lazy to upload.

Those who weren't able to make it to the trip, I thank you all too. You guys are part of us too, part of the Year2 08 batch who went thru so, so, so much these one and a half years. And you guys were part of the fondest memories I'd treasure in my life.

Especially Desmond, Ching Chieh, Lixuan, Xianyong, Rayrin, Jialing, Wayne, Jiaming and Jeremy, Isabelle, Sherwin, Melodie, Keith, Jianrui, May, Rhoda, Cedric, Wanping, Philip, Steven, etc. Power, McMuggers, the Year3s, our Year1s. And especially as a Year 0, and during first three months. Those were the days. Hahah :D

Although so much had happened and so much had broken into pieces, at least we once had it all. When everybody were still best friends with everyone else. And there were no other emotions except being happy. And feeling so honoured to be part of VJ Choir, and the journey we would all walk down together. These are the memories which I would keep down the road.

As for how things had become to this very day, I don't think I would have wanted it to turn out any other way anyways. Well, things happen for a reason, and no matter how messy it might be, I still love every single one of you for all you've brought into my life. I'd only remember the smiles, and the joy.

No Man Is An Island.
No man stands alone.
<3

2008-06-30T22:12:00.002+08:00

Wow it sure had been a really really long time since I bothered to log on to blogger. And when I finally did, everything came rushing back to me. Especially how Lam and Diana & Co pronounce my blog url as and not anymorie.
Yup. Recently I met up with them and it was nonstop of the usual stuff (what's new with diana around) haha but I do miss them a hell lot. No pictures though, cos I was wearing unglam fbts down in town, looking like Ms Lee Leeza :D And she still have exams, so Leeza study hard! Chem ownage please! And sher and everyone else :D

CT2s has been crazy for me. The whole few weeks before the exams and the exam week itself. I had a hard time trying to keep myself in my room and study. Loads of motivation came from msger where you were mostly online the whole time. So thank you. Even though things had been weird and driving me up and down recently, I don't think I'd ever get to thank you enough so thank you dear. Still my motivation every every day. <3

And of course for the first two weeks of holidays, thank you Power & co for all the fun here and there, and CC for studying with your dear me :D I love you to the maxx.

The best thing ever that's about to happen to me is Wales. I cannot wait. A whole ten days in UK. And out of which 6 days are gonna drive us really mad. We've come so far; we're just an inch away. After one and a half years here, I think the most amazing thing I've learnt is really the love. Love for singing, love for our choir, and for each other. We're all in this together. I really believe in us. And that it's really possible to clinch the all impossible title. :D
I <3 VJ Choir.

Besides waiting patiently for this entire week to pass, there's nothing much up on the list.
Except to hope for something wonderful to come my way.
I still believe in you, I really do.

2008-04-23T00:36:00.001+08:00

Anyway congrats to all who made it to the finals of music fest 08 (:
And thankyou SC and Mr Larry Lim hahaha :D

Anyway I can't wait to play some more, paper pavement!

School's in, loads of work to catch up on.
SOV's coming.
CT2s, then Wales :D

Walking along the edge.

2008-04-20T23:40:00.003+08:00

They touched my heart &made me smile.
Though we weren't playing together.
But we'd always do in future.
I love paper pavement cos we're so turbo.
So would you be there for me? :)

Of course, how can I forget my two lovely classroom singer girlfriends :D
No more broomsticks girls. :)

2008-04-11T22:46:00.002+08:00

Well hello world. Wow wow life had been zooming past like nothing had been happening you know it's kinda scary that it's already APRIL 2008.
Life had been Tutorials Lectures Choir Eat Sleep Shit Musicfest & You.

Ponning frequencies decreased by alot & everyone is so proud of everyone and I am proud of myself :D you never realise the kind of satisfaction you get in doing tutorials my goodness, could be so overwhelming hualala. On track, on track, all the way til I got back PW results today and there goes an A. Yeah I mean like no A, hahah but whattteverr la okay. Seriously, A levels is a freak. I constantly find myself searching for meaning in this, but it's not there anymore. And how the hell are we supposed to know what are we gonna do for university I really dno la k.

But not important, what's on the priority list now is Musicfest SOV and Wales. Musicfest is some total screwed up shit but I stil hav to go thru it; I guess I'm just gonna be happy and enjoy my friday with my beloved Melodie and Sherwin. Winning is not important cos Jian Keith and Wayne, and Cherissa and Zara are totally cool people and it's cool that we all made it, so let's just go do our thing and make people happy :D
Oh once again, choir is coool.
I can't wait actually. Paper pavement, so would you be there for me?
HAHAHAH I still love my band okay.

It dawned upon me that I have around one month to SOV and three months to the end of being in VJ Choir. No matter what happens, VJ Choir would still be my dream, and will always be. It has been a great experience, so overwhelming I can't seem to find myself anymore. But I do know I stil love VJ Choir.

I miss practically everyone I haven't been talking to, but all I can do is just miss them cos my schedule doesn't allow me to be a good friend anytime soon.

I just had this sudden urge of recalling my secondary school life & every knitty gritty little thing which happened which turned my life upside down. I guess it just impacted me so much that it has subconsciously made itself a benchmark in my life. & I guess it never is going t be that way anymore. Therefore I sent you that message that day (!!!) nevermind you didn't know what I meant. As long as we both knew what it meant throughout these years. It's so weird, so weird.

Nevermind about that, I'm moving on with life just fine.
And I should fine tune that emotionally unstable part of my heart, soon.

Sometimes I feel like digging a hole and wriggling thru it myself, without the world looking at me & without me having to worry about the world.

Yep it just falls deeper everyday.
I mean like, get worse. Hahah.
But this is vj, and this is year two, so nothing much to expect out of it.
So smile :D

Oh and Freddy I just realised you went int already. HAHAH SEE YOU SOON MANXZXZ. :D

2008-02-17T21:09:00.002+08:00

hello hello lam! i missed you so much too! we'll meet up soon and i am happy! :D i know you missed my grubby fngers cos i miss you sayin that too! love love love.

hiii beat! my goodness you gave me a shock at the pedastrian crossing the other day. but i love! you are so lovely like always, beat, i totally miss you, and yeah you got it right :D

i miss cedar.
like our cedar i mean.
the one along cedar avenue, the one with jogging sessions, the one with the traditional ltc and oac ways. unlike the new one which somehow the system got screwed up and our culture changing, i really dont know whats going on and im afraid to know and definitely dont want to happen. but it's happening, oh well, we can do nothing anyway.
but i really miss cedar anyhow. my most wonderful naughty ex classmates.
when i walked along pp the other day, the memories came rushing back and it was overwhelming. everything seemed so familiar i could been have mistaken that i was stil an innocent sec 3.
okay cliche, but
once a cedarian, alws a cedarian.
love :D

okay life had been crazy and tiring and annoying and stressful and very hectic, in terms of schoolwork and of course, choir. i've alws wanted to love vj choir. i've been there, had it, and it seems as though it's gone. but i really don't want it to go. circumstances just make life unbearable. people come and they really go! like wow. so we're just busy, & so we stil have each other in our hearts. do we really? or is it just a memory? haha. nah, disappointment's long gone pass. it's nothing now actually. although it's definitely sour and it bugs me.
nothing really matters if it doesnt happen actually. life, what are you doing.
where is the love.........................
hearts been broken, people been used.

but then again, life had been turning around for me this year. ceecee, you've been the great one by my side, like it always had been.
and you! you have been very nice, life also had been very nice, and i forgot to mention, it kinda overwrites all of the above since it really does la.

so actually therefore hence um in conclusion life had been great. HAHAHAHAHH.

okay okay not really it's really been not easy. but i'll fight!
yay! i love all of you who made a difference in my life. :D

2008-01-21T11:29:00.000+08:00

Forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.

Oh my, ancient.

2008-01-14T00:25:00.000+08:00

I have never intended to blog. But this is just too necesary.
Jialing's blog is my source of power. And I miss you all, really.
Look where 2007 has brought us. And look what 2008 has done to us. So much have changed, so many new people, so much more work to pile on us each day, but the things we've shared would not change, and they'd be what I hold on dearly to after I leave VJ. No matter how much hard feelings there were, I'd do whatever I can to bring the soul back to life. And if I ever would give up, it would not leave much of me as well. Have faith. I am not oblivious to whatever's been happening around me, and I admit I'm just wishing too much on my part. But I love all of you and I really do know that all of you have this little corner of your heart reserved for us, and it hasn't been erased. Now what's right what's wrong's not the point, all I need is some faith from all of you, to take me through the days of 2008.

And I think that sure is what's missing.
Freddy & Danny, I wanna see your botak heads :D

I miss the year2s, dearly.
Now why is the choir room always locked during breaks?
): ): ): ): ):

2008 has not been kind so far, both choir and school's enough to make me faint, cos later in the year it'll kill.

Things had been tough, hang in there everyone.
And just a gentle reminder: Do your best for CTs & Mids for our all awaited Wales.
Love.

2008-01-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Nostalgic, scary, refreshing yet sour.

I never thought I'd dare to take a walk down memory lane, ever.

2008-01-01T21:52:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be really weird, not seeing the year twos in the choir room in the morning anymore. I mean year3s. First Jeremy Gan, then Johnnie, then Shuwei, then Freddy, Genrong, Yuting, Huping and all will stroll in one by one. But no more, we're gonna be on our own starting from tomorrow, & maybe the new year1s as the days pass. And as of today, we are officially known as year 2s. No more ponning lectures, no more playing, no more skipping school, no more excuses for not doing tutorials, no more :D [ ): ]

Tomorrow will mark the start of a very hectic life, with so much to struggle with. 7 days a week, out of which 4 are tuitoin days, 3 are choir days. Wish me luck, really.

Although it's orientation tomorrow, but it's also a study for R-paper day, and a start-to-do-holiday-homework day. I'll give myself at most up to Saturday to have fun and that's it. Before we know it Common Tests will flood our lives. Urghb IUAGDTEB&D!T#*B(U!I@)!*!!!!

I start to feel the stress.
And I am saddened, cedarians coming to vj seem to be lesser. We shall see.

2007-12-30T22:12:00.000+08:00

This year had been a really long, tiring & crazy year.
And this year would be concluded by this entry on the 30th, since tomorrow I won't be home.

The amount of happenings which happened this year was incredible.
So many friendships were made and broken.
Hearts were broken.
Trust was built and shattered.
Love was non-existent.
There seemed to be the most joy and laughter in this one single year as compared to the years back.
But this joy was definitely not true enough to even be compared with what I went through the past few years back in Cedar. Moments I yearned for would never come back anymore. It's a totally different dimension, & things are seen through a different light. Fake emotions forced everywhere, unspoken conflicts happening every moment. Problems unsolved, hatred forged, unhappiness set in, not to mention disappointment at almost every possible moment. The depth is greater, & the wound is definitely deeper.

It was a completely new start to wash off my stained memories of the past which was totally successful. I forgot about the stains, started anew, started being very very happy and loved vj choir alot alot. I remembered how happy I was at the start of the year, tilvvery ugly things started to set in...
Oh well.

I remember hopping from class to class, 07S61 to 07A14 and finally to 07S30, where I am now. Adapting to different styles of different classes, learning so many differnet subjects, getting to know so many different people. But I'm glad I'm in S30 with wonderful people right now, classmates whom I know I can count on, especially my bestbestbestbestbest friend who is worth more than a special mention Yeo Si Ning who has walked 6 years of my life with me and stil is (:

House Comm period, rahrah-ing like crazy, cheerleading, putting in our hearts and souls for draco, and finally pulling out of house, etc, etc ):

Choir played a really big role in my Year 1 life, and it still is and always will. We go to school for choir, we eat sleep shit for choir. Since a year 0, all the way to sitting with the seniors a few days back at tealight during Farewell, Choir has been my life. The choir room is our second home. Without the choir room we will be lost sheep. Times were great and happy at the start. Year 2s were really nice, people were nice to people, little conflicts existed especially before politics set in.
SYF, SOV, Pattaya, Mr Samuel Ting's memorial, and all the random performances in the hall. No doubt it has been a blast singing with VJ Choir. It's frightening to look back and realise that one year in VJ Choir's gone. And what happened throughout this year was worse than a roller coaster ride.
People changed, relationships changed, views and opinions changed. Cliques formed and disbanded. Hearts were put at stake and feelings were in a mess. People stopped trying and after taking a look at this mess, gave up. Saddening, it really is saddening. Sometimes I wonder to myself why am I in such a mess? But sometimes I'd rather be in this shit than not be in choir. Maybe all we need is some sorting out. I still have that little bit of faith and I hope people around me has it too. We're all in this together & we still have one more year before seperate ways.
The secret lies in the passion. I really think so. I think we should just stop wasting time going round in circles hurting one another ): it is tragic and pathetic.
I don't wanna cry at tealight next year, because it's all been a big joke and failure after two years of shit and hardwork at salvaging friendships and relationships. I wanna cry and say thank you to everyone of you for the lasting memory all of you had blessed me with. I wanna say I'm glad I've been in this journey together with all of you & we're ending it together. I wanna say I love all of you, very very much, and I beleive we can make it happen. Please, don't give up. We're at the crossroads now, and it's way to dangerous to split right now. Let's just get back on track and spend this one more year together wisely. Stop fighting, stop hating, stop hesitating in treasuring one another more, please. Just look at how fast time flies. It's definitely worth more than a thought.

Of course I haven't forgot all the fun we had together in the choir room, ponning lectures together to gather in the choir room (: Teasing each other and suaning each other to the max, having random outbursts (directed to sherwin), laughing nonstop at stupid things. All the going out together, sleeping over, alot alot alot more.

And of couse the worst of it all, mugging together for mids and promos (: At the airport and in school. McMuggers, although I feel more than detached from you guys, I still love you guys alot, cos without all of you I wouldnt have passed my promos. I love the reading room, and I wanna thank those of you who followed me in and out of the classroom in circles when I was feeling very distressed at a certain point of time when I broke down (: That was really sweet.

Another thing which impacted me quite alot this year, was jamming. It was a great year with 6sf, and the rest of the random jamming sessions with Matt Yane Josiah Jianhan Ivan etc etc. It was great making great music, and having this bunch of stupid damn talented people to jam with all the time (: It was a joy to be making my way down to L cube each time and just jamming randomly always with an aim in mind but finally always not fulfilling that dream of ours. Finally finally we did a substandard gig on Teachers day which was really a screwed piece of shit cos Yane couldnt perform last minute but luckily there was des & shiangnee. Although it did not exactly go well but stil (: anyway thankyou for everything all of you, cos I wouldnt have been able to experience such great satisfaction anywhere else with anyone else. Although some of them ain't here anymore but I am so looking forward to next year :D

People of my life. Loads came in and out but few stayed. Some disappeared then came back with a shock. Some amazingly stayed the whole way. Chingz, you are no.1 and I love you til I don't need to say that i love you anymore. Although we're so different in so many ways and we're angry at each other sometimes, but we're so alike in so many ways and I'm so glad we're so made for each other. HAHAH. We really share so much more. Xianyong, thanks for staying throughout all the way. For being so understanding and always compromising & giving in to me :D You never really left anyway (:

Owner. You stayed the longest, but you left for the longest time too. You broke my heart the most times, but you never fail to make me the happiest too (: I'm sorry yes I'm sorry ): for everything which I've done to make you unhappy. But I'm so glad I'm part of your life right now, and you did not erase my name from your dictionary. I'm so glad things are like that now. Although we're so far apart, I don't know what's happening in your life right now, I feel so detached. But thanks for always being there for me. For understanding me, and for making me happy all the time (although you never really do anything also). HAHA love.

Well you, thanks for all those memories. At ecp and at bugis, and everywhere else. You never did make me happy for any period of time, and thanks for letting me experience the worst of times and making me feel the most pathetic person on earth. But it's all over and it's okay, I stil wanna thank you for certain memories which won't go away in my mind, which you carved an impression so deep that I can't help but reminisce about what you do best in (: they'll never go away even if i wanted them too, but anyhow, you played a part in this year and thanks alot.

And you, running in circles and finally coming back to the same place. I don't care what we've both gone through. I just hope you won't leave again (:
You have no idea how grateful I am to you.

And certain people who helped me through different parts of my life this year, thank you so much for everything.

BLG, you know I've always got this very nostalgic feeling when I listen to songs like Ban Dao Tie He & An Hao & those emo momo songs by Jay, and the songs we used to shout outside Bishan library, and sing our hearts out. I just went back to Bishan Lib recently and I really miss those times (: thanks for still meeting up though the next meeting would be quite far away, well at least Sophia I'd still see you (:

Sher, the few times I actually met up with you meant alot to me, and made a very significant impact in my life. You know what I mean, and really, thank you, for just listening.

Oh well, at least I had a really great birthday this year HAHAH :D
And carolling was enjoyable :D
And Genting was really fun :D

Actually everything I've gone through this entire year, sorry to say but none of the moments were truely blissful, which I could only find in the past few years and I'm positive about it not coming back anymore. Those were what Cedar and the people could really offer.

But I do hope next year would bring about more satisfaction as I try to be simpler and just concentrate on choir and my studies which I really hope would be the case ): this year was way too distracting.

And my so called resolutions would be simple.
Just to spend more time with my family and hope we'd quarrel less.
Focus more on my studies as priority and Choir as the second.
And maintaining friendships like yours.

2007 was such a roller coaster I would never wanna go thru it again. It was full of ups and downs that noone could ever imagine. Joy, disappointment, anger, guilt, satisfaction, to its extremes, and it was of course extremely dangerous. Dangerously fun but mentally exhausting :D

But I never did regret whatever happened this year, because if there was something less, I wouldn't be where & what I am today. I would not have grown as much and learned as much.
Don't worry, I'd still be the constantly self-amusing zi high Nono all of you know (:

Anyhow, Please let the next year be a simple one.

Happy 2008.

2007-12-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

Expectations. Sometimes it's better not to have them.
And when you wonder about how you arranged your list of priorities, you think again.
Maybe I've done it wrongly, maybe.

----------------------------------------------

Had a wonderful outing with BLG just now, we ate loads, talked loads, and laughed loads, like usual. but the only thing lacking was singing cos KBox was too expensive but of course we could do without (: I wonder how much more time will pass before I ever get to see Kiat, Fiona Ting & Nellie again. ):

Thankyou Owner, Lix, Mong, Si Ning ,Sophia & Malita for your Christmas cards (: Totally unexpected.
I missed you Malita!!!!!

OG Training had been fun because OSIRIS HAD BEEN COOL & FUN TOTALLY HAHAHAH :D
We are damn cool.
(WHO IS THE DARKEST KNIGHT? NAZRI!!)
We sure had fun hunting and sourcing for stuff.
CANT WAIT FOR O1.

2007-12-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

Finally, I finally felt like it was Christmas today, on Christmas day, while carolling at Ritz Carlton Greenhouse :D it was so blissful, so simple and so happy. Everyone was smiling from ear to ear oh man you wouldnt get this anywhere else it's real enjoyment really :D
Although Grand Reunion wasn't as Grand as it was last year, I stil enjoyed carolling la although it was really really tiring and energy consuming. Five days, just like that! And tadaa, it's all over again. All over, and School's in again. People, R papers people. Okay R-paper me back.

X'mas eve stayover at Lix's yesterday, Jialing Chingz Danny Triplets Philip & Cedric. Coolest la :D

And I will miss carolling ): ): ): ): ): ):
And Huping & Kenny & Johnnie, and all of you.

Christmas dinner this year wasn't as spectacular as last year as well.
But still :D

One more week to school reopen. One more week to do reflections for the year. One mroe week to study for Econs.

Clara was so sweet she made brownies for me for Christmas, I love her I really do you know :D

I can't believe all these is happening right now. It is all so unreal. Please pinch me and wake me up from this dream I don't deserve it all ):

2007-12-24T01:45:00.000+08:00

These talks about VJ Choir. Why? Why go up down left right just to make things so unhappy?
Well I don't know whats the core reason stirring and making all these so troublesome and annoying, but it was, really, supposed to be just a joy. It IS possible, because many felt it before, and I felt it last year, right at this time of the year, even before officially entering VJ Choir. And of course without VJ Choir there wouldn't be me today, my very important friends around me who make life in VJ tolerable. Don't ask me because I too don't know the reason why. But I know I'm just living this hell cos I'm supposed to.

But then again, it isn't exactly that bad, it's just what we make it out to be. If only everyone could be just a little more tolerant, understanding and considerate which isn't exactly too much to ask for Christmas, things would be a thousand folds better.

Christmas, nope, absolutely sure the feeling's not here anymore.

I really didn't know I couldn't get last year back anymore. I thought there were loads to come but no I was wrong.

It is because, if we don't treasure the times we actually can have fun, times which we can't would come and take over very very soon & we'd all just fall deeper into the well and start living a hell. So, why not make everything simpler and more joyous?

Let's see, if I were to cover the rotten parts of the apple and just look at it's bright red, things will not be that complicating after all.

Okay, but no matter how much argument there is within among and between people, there is still only one reason I come to school for: vj choir. & for those who've lost it, I'm sure you have it in you. Find it back, cos it's not worth losing it. It really ain't worth it, it's just one more year & before you know it, we'd be the ones choosing which group to go to, instead of waiting to be put in groups, and we'd be the ones coming back for the Christmas Reunion on Christmas day. XD

Okay maybe next year school would be worthed a little more, adding A Levels into it.

I can't believe three out of five carolling is over, and I can't believe I can't bring myself to face the fact that I've been through more than half the carolling already, cos it doesn't feel like I've carolled AT ALL. Nope, not at all, trust me on that.

Anyhow, Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat.

2007-12-19T23:40:00.000+08:00

Today was remarkable.
I haven't felt so at ease in such a long time.
The dinner at Ikea was wonderful, Chingz Jialing Rayrin Wayne & Xianyong. We were completely mad. We just kept having fun eating and talking, and as if everyone were drunk, we really enjoyed ourselves and everyone of us did I could tell, but however some people were missing ): I miss full Power outings. But still, it was like a happy family sitting at a round table laughing and zi-highing as if there was no tomorrow.

Such wonders the christmas season and carolling would create. Every year without fail, there would be joy during christmas. Speaking of it, carolling prac was great today. Thanks wayne :D Currently I cannot wait for the Christmas week.

VJC will be carolling from 21st-25th Dec from the evening 6.30pm onwards at both Raffles and Ritz Carlton so do drop by if you're free to enjoy the christmas carols and spread the christmas cheer! :D

Good cheer for you and for me with pleasure and glee to share. Oh we're so happy to be together on Yuletide Square (: Love, all of you. Really <3

And besides,I think the most unexpected comes about when you're least expecting it and I guess I'm really thankful for everything, I really am. What a great Christmas and I totally don't want Christmas season to be over and Year two to come but oh well.

And one more thing, I've managed to catch up with kiat quite alot at Ikea as well, thankyou so much :D well I hope you're fine and I hope you'll be doing fine okay, I really do hope so. Things will be better :D 27th is coming :D Came to realise alot of things after my talk with her, oh well reailty hits you hard in your back, you just gotta face it.

And I haven't been going for tuition, Joy to the world! I am gonna be so dead when school reopens, well, I studies group two metals today. NYEHEHEH.

Carolling at Marina yesterday was great :D

I love everyone! :D
Thankyou CeeeeeeeeeeCeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! <3

Wake up call: ECONS R-PAPER!!

2007-12-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

HELLO, i am back and i am happy.
Photos the next time :D Photobucket's taking a hell lot of time.
Too much is happening, time to reorganise my life.
And finally, choir tomorrow. :D
Love.

2007-12-13T22:54:00.001+08:00

I feel like shit really. Now I feel like staying in hongkong for a longer time. I knew it. I am so totally detached from everyone. Especially choir when I really dont know what to expect. I feel so useless and incapable, I'm sorry everyone.

Just hope my plane gets delayed or something.
Or maybe the hotel management screws up and I can stay longer here.

I don't know what to do and noone's/nothing's helping.
Goodnight world, I just hope I can mete Xinyi tomorrow night and go for some late night shopping ): I swear you'll save my life Xinyi (:

I can't get a hold of everything. At all.

2007-12-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

I'm listening to Click Five, totally. iPod. Your iPod.
And totally in hongkong iPod Nano 3 is totally totaly 50 bucks cheaper than in Singapore. Like ohhmygoodness. I've been getting Adidas, Adidas, Adidas ttm.

I'm missing out on so much in Singapore now. I hope both groups are alright and ready for Monday's carolling. I hope seniors won't be disappointed. But I can only sit here in Hongkong and hope. I can't wait to go back, but I know when I go back I'd want to stay in Hongkong further and I'd have to face things all over again. I feel detached, really detached, from all my friends. I feel near yet so far, not being able to feel with everyone else. And it matters, it really does. But anyhow, I hope when I return things wil be back to normal and of course, when I return there'd be um, Enchanted. Haha right I haven't watched it.

See you on the flipside (:

2007-12-11T22:05:00.000+08:00

Hello world, I am a few thousand miles away from my home, but it's the sanme time zone as my dear friends. I AM IN HONGKONG (: Okay la, yes once again. The night view is damn nice here, I'm facing all the high rise buildings and neon lit buildings, with christmas decorations all over the country.

I just came back from Genting on 9th dec, and left for hk on 10th.

And so many things happened in my absence.

I do not wish to talk about it, nor even so do not wish that this whole thing would affect any friendships that we used so much time and effort to build. As much as I wanna go back to Singapore and see all the people and places I miss, I don't want to as I don't know how to face certain people, even thought both parties were at the wrong, at some point of time. Maybe it'd just be an end-of-year thing which hopefully would pass as the monson season goes by.

However, I suddenly realise how much I owe you. Although 10th dec was a really bumpy day for us, it was through that and everything else you said after that which made me realise how much more important you were to me. Slowly I picked up memories I've accidentally thrown away, which until a certain phase of our lives i caused such huge despair. You were at wits end, I was in a state of confusion, and we had to leave each other alone for a while. And I said let nature takes its course, which I did, and I had no idea how unfair it was to you. So if you were to not be ready to face me when I return, I'd not force you either. I think now we all know how much this friendship means to both of us, and it'd only be fair if I'd give you time you need to let things fall back into place. This is not meant to be cliche, but I really realised how much more I love you after this damned incident. I don't want to lose you, and i wanna go back to singapore waiting to see you.
I give you strength (:
I love you my dearest ceeeceeeeeeeeeee.
I don't think what you're thinking would come between us, I'd try, I really will.

Music Co & Exco, may the power be with us. :D
I think I'm mising out on a hell lot on what's happening over at Singapore, and I'm feeling so detached.

Altos, I'm sorry ): I really am.

Well I'll update on Genting when I return from Hongkong.

And finally, I don't know how much confusion is confusing my life recently but still, it's stil here and there.
But thank you, really, thank you.

2007-12-05T01:42:00.000+08:00

Some time ago I yearned for 4th december to be over (no not because of the birthdays hee hee), & there you go it's 5th december & i've gone through every thing just like ! that. So much happened these few days, and more is happening the next few days. It's endless happenings every single minute of my december holidays. It's busy & exciting, and very challenging (like for example today). I love to be busy. I love to be doing many things and to feel important. And that's what I'm doing now but I'm not doing justice to my health and myself. I am trying to, because the happenings that are going to happen in the next few happening days can't allow me to fall sick, totally totally.

Let the pictures speak (:

SHEENA BONG.

SOPHIA KE.

LEEZA LEE. (INSTITUTION LEE HWA CHONG)

YINGWAI DIANA & SOPHIA.

DIANA & SOPHIA :D

CAROLLING @ MT FABER SAFRA WITH VC (:

All of us except Keith.

AH, PROUD TO BE A VICTORIAN.

SHERWIN & CHINGZ.

CLASS CHALET 2ND-3RD DEC.

LIYING & ME.

OMG, KAT.

SHERWIN LOOKS.

CEDARIAN TO THE MAX !!! :D

LIYING SHERWIN & XINYI (omg pig)

CLASSIC.

4TH DECEMBER, VOICE EXAM & DANNY'S CONCERT & IJ KELLOCK

RAYRIN & XIANYONG.

CHINGZ.

DESMOND.

THIS IS CHEONG RAYRIN, AND HIS VOICE EXAM IS OVER! :D AND I'VE FINALLY FINISHED MY ACCOMPANIMENT (:

AND THIS IS THE OTHER NEHNEH WHO TOOK THE VOICE EXAM CALLED WAYNE FOOL, LOOK AT HIM HE'S SUCH A FOOL. HAHAH IT'S OVER (((((((((:

MET ISABELLE LOOOOOOOO ON THE WAY (:
MUSIC CO UNITE.

ALL OF US, YEAR 2S & 1S!! <3 src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v490/ahbelle__/IMG_5899.jpg">
ELROY.

JUITLIAN.

JERROLD!

HELI!

ELMO FOR DANNY, jerrold yizha heli jialing & wanting :D

DONE.

Packing is very tiring. I am supposed to be packing my luggage for Genting & Hongkong, but it requires much thought and therefore I am very deep in thoughts right now. Have been for an hour, and nothing's packed!

Yesterday it was:

& today is is:

as well as Father Ng's birthday!
Father Ng rocks ttm, have you heard. Hahahah :D but old already ): but still very cool la right! :D
By the way, Father Ng is my PAPA :D

This is my Papa. Look at what he's doing, he is the most spastic person.
Haha look at my mummy at the back doing some stunt.
They look so kuku.
Hahahah shit very bad, okay move on.

Shan't be so mean, this is my Papa zi-highing like me.

Hahahah okay fine, this is a beautiful picture of My father, mother & cousin Ah Xiang in Hongkong :D
Love <3
We are going again this year.
Third time in three years. :D

SDD tomorrow, then Genting.
Ah! Ah! Ahh! Ahhhhhhh! HAHAHAHAHAH!!
It's finally over, & it's finally here.
Joy to the world.

I love to carol. :D

2007-12-01T02:14:00.000+08:00

HELLO. It is 1st december, but let's pretend it's 30th november okay! =D
Because I had the greatest birthday of my life.

At 12 midnight Rayrin called me (!!) and Rayrin, Xianyong & Wayne (Harry, Tommy & Dicky) sang an in tune harmonised birthday song for me! It was really nice. Then desmond called to wish! :D

My lovely 07S30 clique - Xinyi, Sherwin, Kat, Mel, Liying, Bindi, Ziyang appeared at my house miraculously at 8.30am, with donuts, zomg. Sining and Peiqi weren't here, but I still love them :D I was really shocked :D

Ziyang Bindi Sherwin Xinyi Kat Mel & Me =D

Acting Pretty with Stars (:

HAHA.

they have bangs too!

Classic :D

Bindi's present! =D

yay all of us.

Then I went to SCHOOL for OG meeting!
And then went home ):

& then when I thought the whole world was abandoning me (and got very very sad), something appeared at my gate. Some CARD which said Congratulations, and I was supposed to go on an amazing race. HAHAHAH zomg. Then I stoned for a while & finally realised Chingz was standing outside. I cried (:

The Amazing race was tiring, both physically & mentally. Omg I was damn sad then damn happy then damn sad again, thanks alot la Chingz. Hahahahah. They successfully tricked me to the max & I was stupid enough to believe that Triplets went sun-tanning, Jialing had something on, Desmond had tuition and wanted to watch enchanted with me, Rayrin wanted to go hougang for Chicken Rice dinner, & they were all going home & not doing anything for my birthday. Sigh. So idiotic, hahah.

Yay so I completed all my damn tiring & embarrassing stations at PS Vivo & Orchard. I had to run around & scream that it's my birthday everywhere around Vivo & tell little kids that it's my birthday & climb thru tunnels and act like a princess in a 30sec video and ask for birthday hug in orchard like ZOMG thanks alot although I always do these things but OMG. Hahahah.

Finally it was Raffles Place & they were all there waiting for me <3 src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_xPsYdi0MZDw/R1BADF5wuWI/AAAAAAAABNk/KmTLpHNr2YA/s320/DSC06724.JPG">

And then I reached home, and my family greeted me with a Birthday cake and a song ((:
Hahaha I was telling them about my story that day and after very long I decided to step into my room & zomg.
There was another cake on the chair.
And 4 people behind the bed.
It was damn scary, damn shocking, damn surprising please.
BLG TOTALLY CRASHED MY HOUSE, HAHAH AND THEY'RE STAYING OVER AND MAKING ALOT OF NOISE NOW :D HAHAHAHHAHA. ZZZZZZZZZOMG.

We had a great dinner, & they are now making alot of noise in my roooooom HAHAHA how to sleep?!?!!
It's 2.52am and I just realised my birthday is over. Ay. Love. :D

Thankyou POWER for the mirrors. & the wonderful surprise.
Thankyou Triplets for the Nonobear.
Thankyou Desmond Jialing Jeremy Xianjun for the wallet and US dollar notes, like wth. HAHA.
Thankyou Desmond for the nice card & mirror.
Thankyou BLG for the keychain, paper clips & damn cute notebook. & the damn scary surprise.
Thankyou Jeremy for the hat from Paris :D
Thankyou Chingz for withstanding my nonsense and for being my guide today.
Thankyou S30 for the panties & wallet, HAHA. & the pleasant surprise :D
Thankyou Owner for asking me outttt :D
And all of you for your wonderful messages :D every single one of you who remembered.

I am so tired. Nellie Sophia and Fiona are so noisy. Hahahahah my god. Nonstop talk and talking. It's 3.59am now and I have Choir tomorrow.

But I really had the best birthday ever. <3

2007-11-29T23:25:00.000+08:00

Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head?
Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.

Ready, Start!
1. cc
2. mongz
3. lix
4. jeremy
5. xy
6. rayrin
7. wayne
8. desmond
9. jialing
10. sherwin
11. xinyi
12. sining
13. ziyang
14. liying
15. mel
16. bindi
17. elvis
18. shuwei
19. sophia
20. kiat
21. fiona

THE QUESTIONS:
1. How did you meet 20? CEDAR ((: and random studying sessions at bishan lib (:
2. What would you do if you never met 17? my life would be another shade of colour. HAHAHAH i would not be a dinosaur.
3. What would you do if 2 and 19 date? HAHAH, WEIRD TTM.
4. Did you ever like 15? nope but she's sweet many others do (:
5.Would 13 and 1 make a good couple? OH NONONONONO. but actually who knows hahahaha.
6. Describe 18: like me (: hahah emo! =p
7.Do you think 3 is attractive? yessss like princess (:
8.Tell me something about 7: DAMN DAO. likes to scare people away. his chinese cannot be understood.
9. Do you know any of 14's family members? nope.
10. What's 2's favorite color? uh uh uh. brown? haha shit i dunno.
11. What would you do if 21 just confessed he/she liked you? I'LLL LOVE HER TOO.
12. What language does 12 speak? english and chinese
13. Who is 4 going out with? HAHA noone. yet.
14. What grade is 6 in? j1
15. When's the last time you talked to 3? just now at the mrt station (:
16. What perfume does number 12 uses? um um. i forgot!
17. Would you ever date 17? no.
18. Would you ever date 1? LAOCAI WILL KILL ME.
19. Is 5 single? hahahah, yes but unavailable.
20. What is 9's last name? ENG.
21. Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 11? HAHA I WILL BE SPASTIC ALL MY LIFE.

OKAY now go copy and do! hahahah so funny.

2007-11-29T22:00:00.000+08:00

I realise there're so many good friends around me, some of which I cherished, some I neglected.
When I'm still 16, I want to thank everyone of you who'd cared for me & loved me in some way. It meant alot at different points of my sixteen years of life. All the words which encouraged me & accompanied me throughout really bad times, I'd kept it. <3

And then at Keithy:

WAH GLTTM. Hahaha but funny :D

Last year this day! JSG went out with me :D

Okay Desmond claims this dog is the one I saw in Australia in Primary five, by the name of Nova Belle.
HOW COOL ((:

through adversity, will you still care?
through poverty, will you always share?
through bankruptcy will you give and never take?
through pain and sorrow will you never be fake?

through thick and thin will you walk with me?
through the depth of angst will you set me free?
through the blanket of deception will you help pave the way?
through sadness will you help make me gay?

through damaging hearts will you help to mend?
through enemies and stalkers will you help to fend?
through going through break-ups will you lend your hand?
through setbacks and bitterness will you still be my friend?

my friend will you be with me in times of need?
when you give me advice for me to heed
will you never turn your back against our friendship
and be there for me in times of hardship?

will you show some concern for me once in awhile
so we can still touch base, our friendship igniting a smile
i love you all always so please give me a reply
so i know that you're still with me and our relationship will never die.

AH, Liane :D I love you.

'Make your own fire when the world is cold' - Sining, 2006 :D

'I want the world to know how much I miss camp' -Sher, 2006. ;D

Haha omg this post is random ttm. Looking back at old entries make me cringe. It's so distant, really. Sigh.

2007-11-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

TODAY was an eventful day.

Performance at VCH in the night.

If I had been keeping count, it would be one of the worst days where there were the most downs in a single day. It was really bad.
1. Being hit & so disappointed in the morning; 2. ironing some dirt onto my damn expensive esprit shirt (WTH); 3. got caught in cats & dogs in the afternoon on the way to vch; 4. emoing like siao at night ):

Nevertheless, I thought the emoing was very necessary, since every other one of us were emoing & I thought I had to sort out some thoughts but to no avail until Danny started talking to me. He made me happier & back to my old self alot more but I don't deny things are still lurking in the dark & it is still undiscovered, maybe it never will be. There's a reason why I said I hope I won't let go because I think I really will.

Things change when you come to jc because we grow up, not because the world is more fake. I think it's so true, it's all ultimately our fault. Things aren't the same way as how I hoped and wished it'd be like what always happens in secondary school because we're all growing up and unknowingly expectations for others and ourselves change. And the only constant is change.

But I'd still wanna talk about how stable friendships are in secondary school, where we all see through each other and love each other whole heartedly, and I mean deeply wholeheartedly. Although I am always being nehnehed by Chan Diana but I still love her to bits and pieces, and the rest of them.

And my instructors/leaders how we go thru thick & think & rely on each other like very strong pillars of support :D the mental strength to carry us through each day is the presence and sight of all of you.

BLG, my mind and my heart, my unspoken thoughts are all thought by them before I think, that's how cool they are :D we love each other and we love each other undoubtedly.

Now things change faster than ever, and you've got to adapt to the same person with a different soul every minute, and you don't even know if it's worth your time. I'd say, just carol & start studying next year, I'd be better off studying my time away. The activity that is most worthed my time :D

I have no idea how much faith I've lost in people around me, and I've got no idea how much trust in people I'd lost these days. Tell me please, cos I don't understand the meaning of believing.

Anyway, things which made me happy today: 1. Owner (: ; 2. Performance 3. YEAR TWOS CAME BACK; 4. we reminisced & sang many SOV songs & carols; 5. Cam whoring.

Great, the year twos came back and immediately I threw nasty thoughts away. I love them so much they make me so happy. We sang so many songs in the dark outside VCH, reminscing & going way back into the past, digging out old memories which time can't bring back.

Then it was Gluttons' Bay to eat, but very soon it turned into an emo session.

Sigh thankyou Heli, thankyou Danny, thankyou Huping, thankyou Desmond.
HAHA desmond you fell asleep! I knew you would but anyway have a good rest you must be very tired (: thanks for staying up with me. But look! Only you are tired (:

Anyway, as I was saying, we were cam-whoring like mad cam-whorers in the waiting room:

Jialing Me Mong Lix Guin :D

XIANJUN.

DESMOND.

GUAILAN (SHIXUAN)

LIX ACTING CUTE & XY ACTING COOL.

XIANYONG.

Me Mong Guin Lix Jialing, AGAIN.

RAYRIN.

SOPHIA.

ENOCH.

DEBORAH year zero! (:

CHINGZ. GUIN. PENGUIN. CC.

JIALING.

ALEXANDRA year zero! (:

LIXXX.

JEREMY.

SO COOL.

ME, the Girlfriend & the Boyfriend.

Rayrin being rayrin.

Triplets.

Unglam ttm.

Rayrin is 2nd best at acting cute.

XY RAYRIN JEREMY DESMOND.

Jasmine from TP! =D

MONGZ.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12(SO GAY)

ELIZABETH & RHODA

REUBEN. THE CLASSIC VP AND GAUDETTE SOLOIST.

RHODA.

WANPING & RACHEL year zeroes! (:

And lastly, VJC Choir.

The memories I shall keep and lock up deep.

One last thing, today is 29th november.
I don't know to be happy or sad.
But anyway!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITHHHHHHYYY :D
okay I mean Keith. :D hope you liked our dustbin & balls & photo frames & candles, nyeh heh heh.

If it's not okay, it's not the end.

2007-11-28T11:53:00.000+08:00

Huh, haven't felt this for long.

I feel so weak. I don't know how to go on stage later.

I can feel the rush of disappointment through my bones. It's all gone.
Again, after three months of a mental struggle.
Just when I recovered.

And the days ahead, wish me luck.

2007-11-27T09:26:00.001+08:00

Sigh.

I didn't mean it. ):

2007-11-26T23:46:00.000+08:00

Things which used to make me happy.

Conflicts don't worth anything when you wake up the next morning to find out that you'd never see that person again. Every other thing won't matter anymore. Why is it so hard to be forgiving, when it's so easy to regret. Why then again, is it so hard to be understanding when it's so easy to regret?

You'll never know when someone leaves without saying goodbye.
Cherish while you still can.

Ah such a pity.
It is stagnant. How I wish these memories would speak its heart to you. Then maybe you'll understand one day.

2007-11-26T00:18:00.000+08:00

Faded memories of us,
Kim Thomas Chelmin Eric & Me
February 2006

Look at how seventeen years have passed. Come to think of it it was a joy to have spent so much time with each other, but at the end we still gave up. So much came back to me in a split second after glancing through these memories. Came & Left. But somehow it was really sweet. Maybe Bittersweet. Ah, next cny :D

I love Ikea. I love how colourful & lively the whole place is. It's like candy it's so happy. Just a walk around Ikea would somehow heal bad moods :d How I wished my whole house was Ikea.

Chingz, Desmond & Danny came to visit today, together with Monopoly & Mahjong & loads of weird topic happy/scary talks again :D Love. <3

Somehow I miss how I used to feel last year. My Motorola V3 and its memories. And you.

Tomorrow onwards, all I should do is hope I don't fall and faint and scream and die. Banner painting, Choir choir choir, Concert, Chalet, Voice exam accompaniment, SDD performance, Genting, Hongkong, OGL camps & prep, Carolling. Whoa coolstuff! Everything's better than Promos.
Hectic & Busy to the max that I am going to fail Econs R paper because I won't have time to breathe until 17th dec. Wish wish wish.

The year is drawing to an end! It's like every year like how I fall into that reflective mood and think, and repent. & feel Christmas-y and happy and jolly :D Cos Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat!

I love every single one of you :)

2007-11-24T23:14:00.001+08:00

Yingwai Me & Gwen
26th August 2006
After Crystal Jade at Toa Payoh :)

This is going out to my dearest Diana Lam Institution Pun Sheena & Co, if you happen to visit andnotanymoree, I want to tell you I love you thousands & ten thousands although I couldnt turn up fo Diana's housewarming today ): Have a great time staying over guys! Omg random FICTION: I remember Diana claiming that she was a leng fa (pretty flower). Hahah damn cool. Have fun okay <33

Today was damn tiring, luckily my voice is still audible! Hahaha. Tea party in the morning for year0s, was such a mess knowing everyone as someone else. But fun la :D Then was choir til 3plus.

Anyway we had a great time going back in time playing HOPSCOTCH outside the Choir Room and Wayne, Desmond & Me each had a house! You know you know the throw backwards then got the house thing after you finish all 9 spaces. Hahahah I love hopscotch!!! Dunch you.
Dinner at Toa Payoh! what a weird place for them but it is very very good cos it's soo convenient HAHAH. I dont know whats up with everyone today we were all so talkative and we talked nonstop I swear. And they were the weirdest topics ever. Wah best.

Ikea breakfast tomorrow! HEH HEH. Finally get to see the busy woman again, sigh.

Sigh this is the first time I am so bored online omg I am going to sleep now.
I think I'm quite happy becauseeee I practised alot of piano today!

Random: PUMPKIN POWER! yay.

2007-11-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

Chingz Xianyong Me Rayrin
9th August 2007, National day :D

Yes I figured I should revisit every little memory of my life which I'd inevitably lost through these years & months. Hahah it's a good & healthy of reminding me how important everyone is in my life. Ah, okayokay.

Altos Choir Room Cleanup & Tea Party run through in the morning :D Very fun yes. But I couldnt be heard. I only can be seen when I make big actions like wave spastically. Cos all I can do is Whisper. Haha! Quite funny. Everyone had to be my messenger. Oh well.

And finally I got down to Rayrin and Wayne's voice lesson. Aye, practise harder harder harder. Hahah I feel much better to play two pieces lesser :D Heh heh.

Ah I still can't sing tomorrow. ):

And one last thing, I've decided that I'll hang in there cos it's definitely worth my effort.
I'll hang in there for all of you!
I just have on very simple wish that is to hope for more mutual understanding & lesser miscommunications & misunderstandings ): Slowly, slowly.
Cos I'm not willing to lose anyone just yet.
<3 Love all of you.
You are like the lavender candles & the pretty stars in my house!
HAHA.

2007-11-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

Sophia & I, Tuition
July 2007

Yes I miss Sophia dearly. My dearest Sophia please come back from Vietnam safe and sound and yay you are coming back this Saturday! :D I miss you sooo much I can't wait to talk to you. Tuition without Sophia is so weird! Hahah. And I have't seen you in ages since before promos. I miss you being so good at Chemistry. HAHAH. And I miss you talking and talking nonstop! Faster come back come back. (FlowerFia! HAHAHA)

Today was a really weird day. I don't know if it's good or bad but it was so extreme. Ay, I don't know what to say anymore it seems that the knots cannot be untangled anytime soon. I had a tough time feeling all sorts of weird emotions today. It was like shit, I felt so helpless and disabled. I went to take my afternoon nap today with such a heavy heart. There's just so much miscommunication and misunderstading ): I dunno la. Yes and I admit I need assurance cos I feel so insecure right now among all of you.
But thankyou anyway, for sparing a thought for me & taking the trouble to explain everything.
Maybe that's the most you can do.
Sometimes when you lose it, you just do. There's very little we can do to bring it back to life.
Of course I hope things will return to normal soon enough.

And I have finally started practising with Rayrin & Wayne. Haha.

Well the good thing is Xianyong Rayrin Mongz Lix Wayne dropped by and paid this sick girl with no voice a visit. Hahah :D And bought porridge for me while they ate sushi ): (but its okay :D) and hang around and played a long game of Cluedo (again). Seems like Cluedo is necessary whenever they come to my house. Haha, let's play a brainless game next time, save some brain cells.
Anyway thankyou so much really for taking time off to visit me really :D

I have to go to school tomorrow for Choir room cleanup, and I hope I will be less troubled after that. Right Desmond? Hahaha.