Life is starting to fill itself up. I spend less time talking to myself everyday. Things are settling in. Well Cedar Fiesta was a success. Many many ex-cedarians came back and loads of memories came tumbling back. :D The only bad thing was that it was the dirty old holding site ): ____________________________________
After Fiesta, I could finally rest. Went for interviews, went back to vj, went out with friends, tried to spend as much time as I could. I can't wait for time to fly by. Nineteen is such a weird age to be at. People start leaving your life, and they start minding their own business. Essentially you take over your own life, and you don't share it with anyone else. Gotta get use to this really sucky phase of life which is supposed to be the most happening time of your life but no, it's the most empty time of my life since a decade ago. I. Need. Friends.
Friends friends they come and go. I don't know how exactly to go about treauring my friendships with them. I don't know too, how important they are to me. I don't dare to judge; I don't dare to expect. I just goo with the flow. Which I'm not used to doing. But I guess that's how it is when you grow older, and older. It really does not matter anymore. In the end you'll only be left with you and yourself. So why grow so attached to it in the first place? Why let your heart be vulnerable to wounds. I don't know. Is it right, or wrong?
Few years down the road. Does it matter anymore? Who hates who, who loves who, who wants whose company, who doesnt give a damn. But yet it matters so much now. I try so hard to untangle the mess, and figure out what went wrong. Why has this become one of the only things I took with me from vj, which I regret? Why did things turn out this way. What am I supposed to do? With what attitude am I supposed to face this with? And you can't imagine how many things happened which played a part in messing things up. Yep, this is our very own show. So now, where exactly is everyone?
At the end of the day I figure that maybe the only person left standing by me, is myself.
On the other hand, I felt how the three of us started to pull ourselves so close together to make sure that this would not turn out to be something we'd regret. Ahjian's birthday today was a good one. A simple, but beautiful one.
Am dangling on a string, but at least I'm balancing well for now.
Would you appear halfway if I fall.