19, the mess.












Saturday, February 21

It really didn't feel like the first time I went wee-ing. Like how Diana and Clara used to put it, in sec4. But yes. I reached home at 7.30am & went to tutor Cyril Ting at 1pm. I'm Nineteen and I'm loving it doing crazy things. Sang non-stop last night with xy & xj which made me feel like I'm actually still alive.

Yes of course I am! The world is seeing me move as it turns. Every second my heart grows stronger as it buries the bad stuff deep beneath, only occasionally racking it up I don't know whatever for. But it isn't as overwhelming anymore and I am so thankful just for that.

So busy this week, going on JobsStreet & JobsCentral searching, searching, searching for nothing. Nobody wants me to work for them!! Maybe I'm not borned to work after all. Maybe I'm meant to sit at home and bump around. And find someone I love who loves me back and takes care of me so I won't be so mentally unstable. But I am like this either way so forget it.

And of course I know the only person who can love me back is myself and I ought to make myself stronger. I think I'm doing fine does anyone think so too! :D

Just that sometimes I find it hard to deal with the internal struggle within myself.

I just love how I know what direction I'm heading towards. Now please, just give me what I need. Just sufficient & I'll be happy. Fridays are bad days. At least for the next few weeks.

I see the world in a different colour now!

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