That feeling is so familiar. So nostalgic. Yet so indistinct. It is torturous. Yet it feels so comfortable to live in the past. Every breath I take should be one more step to recovery. And it is one less to the end. So shouldn't I not be wasting time living in a memory? Of course. But it is difficult. Even more than A levels. Believe in miracles & then know that you had just dreamt that you did. I am still stuck in the pit. And I have absolutely no idea when I am going to crawl out of this shit on my own. I feel detached. Detached from the world. Attached only to very familiar feelings I never want to let go of. Even when they are already not supposed to be there a very long time ago. I don't know what is that magnetic force pulling me towards reading this story. I just keep reading it over and over again. But somehow I don't understand. It isn't getting me anywhere. I just refuse to turn the page. & I know I shouldn't be stopping here. ____________________________________