It didn't even occur to me that any possibility of this would happen in a long, long time. Well yes it was sure to be coming our way, just a matter of when I suppose? And so, how? Why like that? ____________________________________
Just as I was about to post a very, very reminiscing and nostalgic entry about some ancient piece of history not too long ago, say 9months?, this horrid occurrence had to disrupt, very, very unexpectedly.
Sometimes, you feel it's the best thing that had ever occured to you to be where you are now.
Bloody hell, now it means almost nothing to me.
But whenever there's a peak, there'd definitely be some kinda down slope coming your way. We're all falling. Deep, deep into dissatisfaction, into unhappiness, into unspoken fears. To begin with, we weren't even we. Isn't it demoralizing? Isn't it excrutiating?
Nobody knows how much this could mean to me.
By keeping very quiet, it does not mean I do not speak of it. It is a downright slap into my face. I was there from the start as well. I know very well how much could everything mean to all of you as well. Just one by one, slowly, the line gets thinner, and it's almost invisible now. And I very much want all of you to know this. This surface does not tell me the truth. I'm starting to lose touch, and it's dangerously possible. I am not giving in, but none of you left me with a choice to do so. Perhaps you would like to salvage the situation rather than leave the blood dripping til it's dried. But then again, what exactly is the point? The deep red stain is already visible. The melancholy has set in. The trees are dying, the flowers wilting, the world is saying goodbye.
I do not deny it hasn't changed much. But it's tearing apart now, can't you feel it? It's torn, and if nobody bloody hell puts in an effort at it, just freakin say goodbye.
What it seemed to be. Has all gone down into the drain. I'm feeling the pain. Aren't you? Sorry I'm not able to accept it just yet. It's so stirred up and highly disturbing. What happened to everything it once used to be?
We have been through so much together. As a whole choir. And for heavens', the world's, the society's, the school's sake, think it through. How much more could you put in, how much more could you offer? It is not difficult, full stop. I am not on any one's side. I just feel that we are stuck, and we will be stuck, and if only certain people make an effort, nothing is going to work. We should just kick ourselves. I feel so, so much; I feel very, very restricted. I am overflowing with disjointedness, confusion, and anxiety, but fortunately, I am still mentally sound and sane. Just pray that this sanity would be maintained, okay? How about, pray hard.
It is so screwed I cannot really breathe with ease.
Don't make me say we've lost it. Period.
Nothing, absolutely nothing is close to the bliss of having BLG, 4C, instructors and CPB around. Exceptions? Maybe. However, comparisons seem a little invalid. Because, life is like that.
There is a very, very large problem staring at you. Nothing is worthed putting in an effort for it seems. Where have all the motivation went to? How many of you sucked it all up? Pardon me for being blunt, but this is definitely minimal. People are already putting in maximum effort but it is not acknowledged and does that mean that they are not doing a good job?
Some would know that I used to have a lot of faith in setting things right. But I just can't feel it anymore. However much I am holding back, I would still like to believe in every single one of you whom I used to trust entirely.
Show me that the world ain't that cruel after all.
Show me that people still bother to care.
Show me that I'm not an idiot in believing that it is entirely possible?
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Very hard feelings.
Anyhow, I hope you had fun today :D
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I realised how much memory I had blocked out from the past four years which made me so much happier. Although it was mostly dug out today, I would bury them deep inside once again. And it'll continue to stay there, deep down inside. I will never feel exposed anymore, in time to come. Goodbye bad memories, you belong to the foolishness of some part of me, you don't deserve to stay.
Sher, Clara, BLG, outing soon :D