19, the mess.












Sunday, September 9

For the first time in some dreadful weeks, I am happy. Genuinely happy.
Isn't it such a joy to relief the bittersweet memories as we date back all the way to four years ago. I haven't come into contact with such a satisfying conversation for ages. I felt this very indistinctly familiar contentment just by listening to you rant & talk about the past. I guess I have been buried in another world so much so that I've lost touch with all emotions I used to have. It's just different. With some sensoring here & there, it's certainly a relief to be reminded of feelings of the past which I have always refused to engage in some way. I think I have blocked out some parts of the painful memories for myself as well. Come to think of it, the whole journey was like a roller coaster ride. We had this big big fight last year which lasted for ages. I really thought we would never talk again. Subsequently it recovered a little. then we got back into a fight again. It's so amazing how things just fall back into place. No, but it doesn't fall into place naturally. Some kinda effort got to be put in. We've all grown so much, learnt so much on our own. You may not exactly be the one I rant/punch/kick/cry to when I am feeling like shiattzz but what we share is definitely more to that. So many times I've made mistakes but you never fail to forgive me (just that sometimes you take almost half a year) but it's okay, at the end of the day, we stil meet & study, sit down & talk and wish there was no tomorrow. It's great to hear you out, talking about every little thing to every big thing about your life and mine. It makes me happy. How weird. This is getting very overloading but whatever. Well yes, five years definitely mean something. I still keep all the emails & letters. I didn't use to feel comfortable in the presence of so many others, you may not have realised. But things are different now. Thanks for making me believe in something which really does hold true after all. I smiled to myself after boarding the train, & thought to myself how lucky & blessed I was, just like how you are. :D Thanks for the walk down memory lane. Although it might have sparked off unhappy unwanted bits & pieces. :D but it's okay. Love you!

I'll be a better person, I'd study hard & believe hard.
& I'll love VJ Choir, & I'd love my friends.
No more you, no more screwing up & wasting my time away.
Today is a good day. :D

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