I don't know how to think otherwise. Sometimes I just force myself to. And then things will be alright. But still, sometimes I think everything is just so fake. I really miss how things used to be in secondary school, where everyone cares for everyone else. We're so undoubtedly, undeniably understanding towards each other. Especially 4C. Cedar. Instructors. CPB. Family, this is really what I call family. ____________________________________
After going through so much I thought I really did go through a lot in the course of 4 years, through excrutiating experiences and memorable ones as well. But of course, there's still a long way to go. I guess all these while I had just been in denial, not wanting to face it all. But things just cannot be the same.
Maybe.. JC's like that. These few months had been a roller coaster ride. I bet there's more to come in the next half of the year. So much had happened, and each time I always thought it'll be the end of all the nonsense. I've already given so much, and given up on so much, and I guess I'll be expecting more, and more. Of disappointment.
So, how am I going to survive the next two weeks on crutches, without going out? What misfortune I brought upon myself. I really hate myself for making things turn out like that. Seriously, it could have been avoided. Everything - Including my throat infection and my sprained and swollen feet.
I give up treating things so seriously when sometimes the other party just don't care. Honestly, I gave it all up. I tell myself to ignore my pride and move on. I tell myself to go down on my knees just to get something back. I've begged and pleaded. I've done things I'd never thought I would. I've done it all, but what do I get in return? Nothing.
It's all about expectations and disappointment.
Somebody enlighten me, what does a friend really mean to you?
I am disturbed, and annoyed.
So tell me, what do I expect from now on?
By how much do I lhave to ower all my expectations?
Near to zero?
Tomorrow used to be an important day.