i always thought, the least which would worry me is my studies. ____________________________________
it seems like everything's going against me now.
when on earth did studies come in and occupy so much of my mind!
althoughi ought to, cos it's my o's this year, i know.
but i'm getting more and more badly affected by it.
yes you'd have guessed, the results i took home today, are..
SHIT.
im getting fours and fives for EVERY SINGLE THING.
how about just say, i have NO MORE HOPE?!
just say, just say i can't make it.
just say i worked my whole life for the past few weeks and still get a bloody C5 FOR AMATHS?!
just say i'm stupid.
just say i cannot make it.
you think i really want to get c5?
you think i dont want to get an A1 like her?
why can't you just UNDERSTAND.
i took pains to explain to you. but you just wont!
you will STILL think i ought to be getting an A1 like her now, cos i have a wonderful amaths teacher.
and now i bet you'll think that im in a lousy class.
that she's beating me, and whatsoever.
BUT NO. i'm not SO STUPID to just stop working hard for my am?!
it's one of the few i can count on.
why would i be so stupid to give up?!
in fact it's the only subject which i must do well.
if not i'd disappoint you.
disappoint my tuition teacher.
and disappoint.. myself.
you think i came home feeling great about my results today,
you think i came home smiling at myself going i just passed am!
when everyone says oh, i got A1, A2, A1 blahblahblah.
and i go, oh.. uh, B4, B4, C5...
NO okay. why cant you believe in me?
i wanted to do amaths when i got home
straight away.
yes, i want to become a muggerina, STRAIGHT AWAY.
i want to be like nerds and go home/go out and studystudystudy.
i want my As for o levels!
sophia if you happen to see this,
i really want to thank you a whole load.
for always being there for me! (:
and i just wonder. how come HE understands
and i am so touched. i really am.
can everyone be like him?
alright okay fine i admit i did badly for this midyears.
but hey there's an improvement here.
im confident of getting at least 19points for this midyears.
and i haven never ever gotten above 20.
which for a combined-sciencer like me, is a vast improvement, in case some are unaware of bloody cedar midyr killer papers.
lastly, i love mrs lim for her little heartwarming talk today.
i love her for the A1 for ss/geog i got today (:
and probably, that's the only thing which'll keep me going.
till tmr when i get back the rest of my papers..
i really dont wish to suffer any more blows.
it's painful. i know i've worked hard but i still dont get it.
im still below everyone.
and that sucks.
today.. was really testing my patience.
i couldnt take it and couldnt endure it all the way.
thanks for those wonderful people around me yeah.
AND i feel much better after letting all those out.
and i'll feel even better if clara confirms that she's going tonight with me and yuan,
to watch POSEIDON at j8, tonight! (:
ah, relief relief stress.
siao, after exams still stress.
grr.
okay, let me psycho myself, and i should freakin start studying.